The window has two-way glass. There is open exchange of facts, feelings and opinions between two people communicating through this pane. If you are in your Open Self but the glass is one-way then the other person's facts, opinions and feelings are obscured. You become confused about the mutuality of the relationship. Your peer does not present himself/herself openly. We can thus see a person/manager with a capacity for open relationships becoming an interviewer who does not reveal all.

Tact, diplomacy or even smouldering resentment may feature with the private self. Keeping your views to yourself with no hint of how you feel about the other party can be useful behaviour. "Privacy" may protect you and others. The private self is controlled. Uncontrolled leaks may be untimely or hurtful. It may be irrelevant to reveal content from the private self even in a trust relationship. But if there is leakage (perhaps you actually decide to open-up), relationships may be damaged because your partner(s) may question your motives for holding back in the first place. Life isn't fair, is it?

The Cool Customer, the Interviewer

If you decide to "come clean" and disclose then you may argue that this move into the Open arena is an expression of trust. However you must ask whether the other person is ready and able to receive such feedback - if not the resultant upset, conflict etc needs to be managed.

Take each man's censure, but reserve they judgement.... Give thy thoughts no tongue, nor any unproportioned thought his act.
Polonious, Hamlet, 1, 3

Leakage through the "blind-self" - may be communicated non-verbally. Your manner, fore-head, tone of voice may belie the content of your message. You may blurt it out wrongly, awkwardly or recklessly only to then try and retract by saying, "Oh, I didn't mean it, or I don't mean it that way, sorry!" Damage limitation is now needed - you are "naked".

The blind spot is very important in terms of personal development. Many of us know and realise that others find things we do/say difficult or puzzling (more or less). These may be our eccentricities. They can be "bull-in-a-china shop" behaviours which others find it hard to react to and are hurt or irritated/agitated by. Precisely what aggravates will depend upon their overall attitude towards you and their capacity for accommodating your behaviour (their tolerance and flexibility).

If they feel some affection for you, their threshold of tolerance will be high. If they have no affection they distance themselves. Your blind-spot behaviours may be irritants. You rub them up the wrong way. In a working relationship low affection/esteem for the other and blind-spot behaviours are a recipe for interpersonal conflict.

"Blind spotting" demands considerable self awareness and self-control. When you look in the mirror - you see yourself as you "like-to-see-yourself". You may not like certain personal traits but many in this situation are just not able to address these areas and change themselves.

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who is the fairest of them all

Such personal learning (unravelling) involves the difficulties of building new, consistent repetoires of behaviour. AWARENESS is needed in the first place about the blind spot behaviours. There has to be a desire and WILLINGNESS to do something about it. You then have to take ACTION - do it and keep it up over time without lapsing. The funny thing about people is their fallability - this is why we are so interesting, loveable and unpredictable. Without variations (and often extremes) in character just think what a bland, boring world it would be.

Nevertheless in many life situations - others have to be able to accommodate your/my behaviour and if "bulls-in-china-shops" are rampant they can do considerable damage.

What difficulties stand in the way of such personal change? Stages in a personal change process may be AWARENESS, WILLINGNESS & ACTION but why should it be so difficult for people to change their blind spot behaviours? What additional factors might be present to inhibit such change?

These people are a mystery to each other. There may be suspicion merely because of lack of information. "I don't know why I am suspicious of you or why I am attracted to you. I don't even realise that I am attracted .... but I am."

Giving Feedback

People wittingly or unwittingly hurt others by giving critical feedback about blind spots. The feedback can be fired as a bullet intended to hurt or it can be leaked. The transmitter may indeed be exhibiting their blind self also - using their narrative of your blind spot behaviour to service their own needs (revenge, humiliation, misguided intolerance). The pot frequently trades insults with the kettle.

Feedback comes from the Private Self and is best offered when the circumstances are right and the receiver is tuned to accept it. It is likely to come best from someone who is acting in the Open Arena. It is more readily received by someone who elicits the feedback for themselves.

Indeed - such feedback is only likely to be useful if both parties - are operating in the open arena of relationships. The panes of the window are clear. There is no blurring or distortion. The window is open and a steady flow occurs. Both are aware that important feedback processes are taking place. This is an important consideration for managers, counsellors, teachers etc.

1. Luft J and Ingham H, "The Johari Window: a graphic model for interpersonal relations', Univ. Calif. Western Training Lab. 1955
2. Luft J, 1961, "The Johari Window", Human Relations Training News, 5.1, pp6-7
3. Berne, E, The Games People Play, Grove Press, NY, 1964
   
4. Goffman I, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, Penguin
5. Shannon C and Weaver W, The Mathematical Theory of Communication, Illinois Univ. Press, 1968